I'm Pablo Kickasso.
This is my blog.


Kickasso '08

So four people that I know to greater and lesser degrees from the internet (paperlilies, Kimberleigh, NathanSt and AndyDrew) have started a group blog called Greater Than Three.


Don't click that link.

Get this: these people had the audacity to not ask me to be involved in their little project. ME. Uh, Hello? Pablo Kickasso? The guy who blogs for at least SEVERAL POSTS before forgetting to update his blog at all for weeks at a time? Do you people not get it?? I'm kind of a big deal. Not to toot my own horn but I DO happen to be the 2,436th most subscribed YouTuber OF ALL TIME!!!!

So what can we learn from this? I mean, other than the four aforementioned individuals are big meanies and stupidheads?

Well first of all, other than linking you to it, and writing about it at length in this blog, I will NOT be promoting this elitist little club of theirs, because I am a firm believer that there is no problem so complex that it can not be solved by pouting like a 6 year-old.

However, the main lesson to take away from this debacle is that, while I clearly AM a big deal, I may not be be big ENOUGH.

Therefore, I am hereby announcing my candidacy for President of the United States.

Let's face it, all the major candidates currently in the race have serious flaws: Obama has a funny name, Romney is evil incarnate, Clinton has a vagina, and Huckabee won't stop talking to his imaginary friend, Jesus.

Yes, there is a void in this race, one I intend to fill with what I call "The Kick Ass Factor". The closest thing to an Ass-Kicker we've got running is McCain, what with is military background and all, but come to think of it, didn't he get HIS ass kicked by the Koreans or whoever back in Vietnam? I'm pretty sure he did. So if you want America to get it's ass kicked by those Kamikaze Korean fuckers and have us all speaking Chow Mein or whatever by this time next year, by all means, vote for that guy. Otherwise, I'm your man.

I'm not running as a Republican or, FSM forbid, a pinko Democrat. No, I think the partisanship and divisiveness of modern American politics is a cancer on this great nation. America isn't about conservatives vs liberals, red states vs blue. No, America is about coming together, uniting as One Nation, somewhere in the general vicinity of God, with liberty and ass-kickings for all, striving towards a common purpose, a goal: the goal of getting me huge amounts of personal power and wealth.

So invite all within the sound of my voice, white or black, man or woman, adult or child (as defined by law, and not by the principle of "If there's grass on the field, play ball.") to support me in this noble cause. I challenge you to give greatly of yourselves to bring us one step closer to a brighter tomorrow. Please, support our common endeavor by giving of your time, or better yet, something of actual value, like your money. Give me your money. All of it.

Thank you and may Dog bless America.

Oh, and to the "Greater Than Three" crew: don't bother apologizing. You can do all your groveling after I lay down my first Presidential decree, making your little blog a capital offense.

6 offerings of praise:

Nathan said...

did you notice they're all white?

clearly they're racist and so blinded by their hatred that they can't see you're amazing splendor as of the internet's finest humorist.

Bravo sir, fuck those assholes. You show them!

Randi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Randi said...

This is what I predict:


The states that already had primaries will just invent new primaries now that you've declared your candidacy.

Though I would recommend running for supreme chancellor of the world, Sir Kickasso. Who needs to be president when you can take on the whole world?! Stop the chow mein speaking from the source, man!

ZombieJesus said...

All hail the chief

first stop on the world Kickasso tour

enfield England.

Claytonian said...

Gosh dammit now it is the turn of I to look upon the blog with jealousy while wriggling my hands. Wriggling!

The Wine Kone said...

I love the fact that the link for NathanSt is just YouTube.com. As if he is YouTube.

Hm. Maybe he is.