I'm Pablo Kickasso.
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Clinton Concedes Losses to Obama, Reality

So obviously the big story over the weekend was Saturday's conclusion of the 17 month saga that was the Democratic Party's presidential nomination process.

What's that you say? You thought the Democratic Nominee was decided last Tuesday, when the final two primaries gave Barack Obama enough delegates to surpass the threshold of 2,118 required for the nomination? When he stood before a crowd of 17,000 at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, MN and declared:

"Tonight, I can stand before you and say that I will be the Democratic nominee for president of the United States."?

You thought that was the end? That the Democratic Party could finally heal their wounds, come together and unite behind their candidate?

That's real cute, but no.

You see, that same night, Senator Hillary Clinton was also speaking. Would she deliver a graceful concession speech?

"This has been a long campaign," said Senator Clinton, "and I will be making no decisions tonight." That's right, she would be making no decisions about the fact that her opponent had won the nomination. She would also be making no decisions about the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the removal of the McRib sandwich from McDonald's menu or any other of a host of things which are facts, in the past, and completely beyond her control.

In an unrelated story the New England Patriots issued a press release stating that they still do not concede losing Superbowl XLII to the New York Giants February 3rd, saying "it's too soon to make any decisions."

After all, is losing any reason to accept defeat?

Apparently it is, as on Saturday Senator Clinton finally DID concede, throwing her support behind Obama and pushing for party unity saying, "The Democratic Party is a family".

It is like a family, and the primary race has been just like a great big sibling rivalry. Remember the sisterly way she used to needle Obama? Like the time she said:

“I have a lifetime of experience I will bring to the White House. I know Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience he will bring to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he made in 2002.”

Now that may sound to the untrained ear like an endorsement of the opposition over her Democratic "family", but hey, that's just the way brothers and sisters tease each other, right? It reminds me of the time I threw my brother in front of a moving school bus. Ah, family.

Ok, ok, so maybe Senator Clinton hasn't always treated Senator Obama like family, between suggesting that he is unprepared to be commander in chief, implying that he might be a secret Muslim, and insinuating that she was staying in the race because he might be assassinated. Maybe the family analogy doesn't really stand up to rational analysis, especially coming from her, but where is it written that she always has to be in touch with this ephemeral concept we call "reality"?

As former President Bill Clinton said of reporters who criticized his wife's account of arriving in Bosnia under sniper fire in 1995 (which never actually happened and as far as anyone can tell she just completely made up), “When they’re 60, they’ll forget something when they’re tired at 11 o’clock at night, too.”

In other words, ignore all the ridiculous, false, and otherwise untethered things Senator Clinton has said. It's ok, she's just sleepy. And old.

2 offerings of praise:

Claytonian said...

This is all part of her cunning plan to run again in 2355. You may think that's a long time, but immortality was discovered in 2034. Whoops did I just use the past tense? Why would I do that... heh. Not like... I'm a time traveler.

JJC1138 said...

I approve this message. I posted about the same thing last week, only with less wit and more blind rage.