I'm Pablo Kickasso.
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Turkish Court Thwarts Islamist Headscarf Conspiracy

ANKARA, TURKEY - Turkey's highest court has overturned a constitutional amendment which would lift the ban on the wearing of headscarves by young women in universities.

The amendment was the work of Turkey's ruling Justice and Development (AK) Party, which may be forced to disband amid swirling accusations of "anti-secular activities" which could lead the party's members,including Turkey's president and prime minister, to be banned from belonging to a political party for five years. The headscarf issue is the latest example of what many strict secularists call the AK party's "secret Islamist agenda". After all, what could be more extremist than suggesting that no one be barred from education because of their attire?

The court upheld the ban, which experts estimate has forced thousands of women to study abroad or not attend university at all, citing the secularist principles of Turkey's constitution and the fact that the brightly colored scarves "like, totally clash with the classroom's earth-tone color palette".

A statement from the office of President Abdullah Gul justified the amendment as an attempt to provide equal access for all citizens to higher education. "The amendments do not conflict with the basic principles of the republic," it said, adding "The Constitutional Court are a bunch of smelly doo-doo heads" which, while true, was just plain mean.

"We're rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of us and sticks to your garish, tacky headscarves," the Court responded, "and yo mama wears white after labor day!"

Following the ensuing slap-fight, the Constitutional Court admitted that their opposition to the headscarves was not entirely based on upholding secularism, but was based on the recommendations of Christian Siriano, constitutional scholar, international judicial consultant and of course, winner of season 4 of Project: Runway. Evidently Siriano had judged the headscarves a "fierce hot mess" and the court had ruled accordingly.

At the time of this writing, Turkish government officials would neither confirm nor deny rumors of a ban on wearing socks with sandals.

2 offerings of praise:

DentonUSA said...

HAHAHA! This made me laugh out loud. You're a "fierce hot mess", Mister Paul.

Randi said...

Read it again, still laughing. Paul saying that something is a fierce hot mess is CLASSIC!